| the greatest love i ever had! |
[23 Aug 2004|08:33pm] |
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1. saturday was FUNNN. because we kept laughing at josh! and josh is so fun to laugh at! he's JUST SO SMARMY. and he was telling me about how he's been speaking with this different accent for the past week and i'm like... what's the difference?! anyway he's ridiculous because he's like, oh, blah blah blah how's _____, so how come ____ blah blah, and then, oh, i don't care about _____. YEAH, SURE. and he thinks i'm obsessively in LOVE with someone, and I DON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT?! yeah, okay, josh.
2. 9 year old braless girls are really cute. (I have a nice cutesy little drawing to accompany that, © JO even though it looks like it should be with the rest of the squirrels at Happy Tree Friends but WHATEVERRRrrrr. Menstrual chests are the in thing now.)
3. i LIKE wearing the fireman uniform thing but i'll never wear it again! i want to though! it's nice and comfyy eheh.
4. hmm, i got rid of things i don't want to know about anymore but i don't know if that's a good thing or not - you'd probably think it indicates something - something that'd make you feel good about yourself, or maybe not, maybe i'm seeing you the wrong way now. sorry.
5. chinese culture? yeah, that's REALLY FUN. to draw rubbish in! like all the different cutesy SMILEYYYS!! I ADORE YOUUU JAN! and all the claire i'm innocent don't pick me up smileys! (now with blush!) *grin*
6. i love the underwear i got for my birthday present from jo! hehehe. and i love my new wallet too! yay jan we can switch wallets to match our clothes! i love jan's new wallet too she's the punkwannabeeeeeee!
7. i have nice inspiring songs again! even though sometimes i feel so NOSTALGIC because of them but it's okay because those songs are reallllllyyy nice! liiiike LIVE/GIVE love!
8. i like the book nezzy lent, it IS inspiring, so far and i've only read ten chapters, okay i'm sorry but i always read it when i'm sleepy so i fall asleep after reading like, two chapters or something so SORRYY! anyway i'm gonna read it more tonight. hehe thanks nez!!! <3333!
9. no chance to obsess today, but that's a good thing right?! okay i'm just trying to convince myself here... NOT.
10. i'm in love with YOGHURT, SEAWEED, AND BISCUITS. those are my favourite foods! as well as nutella (yay!) and nice quiches and uhh, alright nevermind. ((:
so that's ten things to be happy about, draaaawn out since saturday but its enough to be happy about!
I WANT YOUR LOVE, JOY PEACE PATIENCEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! wheee.
[edit]ONE MORE THING!
11. we have a new seating arrangement and guess who i'm sitting next to? HANNIEEEEE my guaiguai daughter! like last yearrr! *grin* and pwinkeeeee too so we all write notes with our left hands heheh. *patpat hannie!* yay see i mentioned you - HANNIE'S JUST TOO CUTE! xD *hug!*
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| thou shalt have no fear for I KNOW YOUR NAME |
[16 Aug 2004|11:13pm] |
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this is the place where i sit
this is the part where i love you too much
is this is as hard as it gets?
i'm getting tired of pretending i'm tough
i'm here if you want me i'm yours you can hold me
i'm empty and aching and tumbling and breaking.
cos you don't see me, and you don't need me
and you don't love me the way i wish you would
the way i know you could.
i dream of worlds where you understand
that i dream a million sleepless nights
i dream of fire when you're touching my hand
but it twists into smoke when i turn on the lights
i'm speechless and faded, it's too complicated
is this how the book ends, nothing but good friends?
cos you don't see me, and you don't need me
and you don't love me the way i wish you would
the way i know you could.
this is the place in my heart
this is the place where i'm falling apart
isn't this where we met?
is this the last chance that i'll ever get?
i wish i was lonely instead of just only
crystal and see-through and not enough to you.
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[16 Aug 2004|07:45pm] |
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my heart's sinking like a WAAAAAVE. *waves*
anyway i've been incredibly unfair - something i've been keeping away behind my lips - i can feel it breaking free.
but we write to understand and maybe i've forgotten how to because i can't cast spells with words i don't think i've ever done so but there were times when words healed me and i don't know about the rest of the world - maybe.
in any case i've forgotten how to
love without condition. you can't find the answers till you learn the question, you won't appear stupid just ask for direction you're insecure and it clouds your perception so stop and listen and learn a lesson in love without condition.
so take me to Your springs of life and renew me because i know they don't see You when they look into my eyes.
if i do not LOVE, i am NOTHING. i could live a flawless life, never cheat or steal or lie and always speak so kindly, smile so warmly and go about doing good, i could dedicate myself to do, what everyone else wants me to and listen to them compliment them, say the things i should. but songs will fade to silence, stories they will cease, the dust will settle covering all my selfless deeds, and as i strive to serve You, won't You make it clear to me, that if i do not love, i am NOTHING.
i'm just a simple girl! but HE SAYS, ITS NOT YOUR PROBLEM, I CAN DO ANYTHING. ((((:
there's a bigger picture you can't see, you don't have to change the world, just trust in Me... through you I will show them. I AM THE FIRST, I AM THE LAST, I AM THE PRESENT AND THE PAST, I AM TOMORROW AND TODAY, I AM THE ONLY WAY.
i'm NOT FREE.
anyway NEVERMIND COS YOU DONT CARE ANYWAY.
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| i believe in you so much i could die for the words that you say. |
[14 Aug 2004|09:19pm] |
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and i could die from the words that you say. yeah, precisely why you should do it. i'd love to see you try something you're not good at (:
dreaming a song. but there's no one to understand it because they're all the same, aren't they? i think i know now why it didn't work - because then i was trying to be somebody else because i thought you'd like that better. hmm? right. i'll be the perfect someone that you'll NEVER KNOW. haha that only means i'm definitely not perfect and if i'm ever perfect you won't know me at all because i'm SO NOT now.
.:ZepH:. "stay away from me tonight. i've made other plans and you'll just be distracting me (in a good way)." says: you know in world war II all the jews had to have sarah in their names if they were female? some nazi thing. the males had to have joseph in their names
pink piranhas making tiramisu love! says: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
pink piranhas making tiramisu love! says: COS I TOLD HIM ABOUT YOU BEING SARAH JEW.
I'm JUST SO JEW. You mean it was world war 2? I always thought the Jews had more to do with WW1. Hrmm. Oh, nevermind! I don't care about history that much because I suck at history but doesn't matter I'll TRY, for once. (: Claire is really BRILLIANT. She knows more about my name than I do! Well okay and I know alot about hers too *cough*.
Kaijun is Joanne's computer. Heheh. She's trying to pick her computer up and she's smiling at it JOANNE IS SUCH A PSYCHO.
HORFUN: Buy fun from me I'm a (w)hor(e)!
Anyway I'm glad for the twins though I think I majorly daoed them yesterday sorry I was really very rude. Aaack. ((: Just hope they'd come again someday and I'd be more friendly!
( --hug list* (credit to claire!) )
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[14 Aug 2004|07:08pm] |
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tigerbrina
&
sparkledfire | | Friendship Level: 63% |
Random LJ Friend-O-MeterFrom Go-Quiz.comHrmm. This is an UGLY COLOR but I don't think I'll change it. And why does the random friend thing end up as SABRINA EH? And Lingying gets Xiu. LALALA I'm such a tweeeeet I deserve to DIE. (: OKAYBYE. |
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| ...blurred photographs / random shots; |
[11 Aug 2004|08:05pm] |
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Photo taking is DEFINITELY not my forte. I just thought it was all click and hope you get it - who ever thought you had to be STILL so the thing wouldn't move. After all EVERYONE was moving it was quite hard to take something good, no? Weeeeelll, whatever. At least the thing that ALWAYS makes it nice made it nice, anyway. (((:
And during recess I totally crashed into Jan hehe sorry dear! Anyway I have to learn to have more control over my breathing (ie, don't hyperventilate too much) and to learn not to be a freak and that it doesn't matter if you don't sit facing somebody! Also, I realize that I'm seriously GONE CASE even though I keep going about how I'm over it. I'M LIKE SOME LOVESICK IDIOT FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT. SLAP ME, SOMEBODY.
Heeeey Wei ((: I know what you mean by everyone seems to be irritating and stuff and yeah, I get that too. And don't lose yourself because of things like that because I know you're stronger than that and better than all that. *hug!*
Oh and during pccg today each member of our class was given a disability (or more - like pwink or saraaa who couldn't speak couldn't see and couldn't move) except for me hehe I think I appreciate my 'abilities' more now after that but it's also very tiring to care for other people all the time because only you can do everything quite hard. ^^'' And we walked by certain classes and if Claire didn't have a blindfold on you'd see her turn totally red. Then again if she didn't have her blindfold on she wouldn't be so embarrassed but -whateverrrr! In any case I didn't have a very nice view of hahahaha but still can LA! Hehe. And it was really tiring but I LOVE YOU SARA for being so cooperative and cheating. Not like none of us cheated right, of course I was the only one who didn't cheat xD okay sorry.
The ones we need don't know we're there. I don't know if I need you but I know somehow sometimes I'll think of you and - I sleep so I don't have to feel. And you'd probably forget about me after a while. Just like - I wish that I could (not care).
Sabrina is such a freak she's drawing a picture of me?!?! OMG and so is Kelly. Two of them should join the PENCILFREAKHEAVEN where they can all draw photos of people who are like, down to earth. Uhh, whatever!
And Meikeeeen my daaaarling daughter! (Which reminds me that Nat's sisters were all killed on the day she became Erjie. FUCHSIA she's not Erjie!) God made us all differently I'd have missed so much not knowing you at all; and even though sometimes you frustrate me and you're the person who can really easily make me cry just like that. No, not just like that. After much twisting and coiling in AGONY AND PAIN, I'll finally explode and not contain it.
Eeew now my sister's checking my teeth. I like my weirdo out of place tooth! =D
That reminds me - I want to get a new wallet! And a new bag! That pik of an Evelyn got a pink wallet (like mine) and a pink bag (like mine, too) so I feel so COLOR-COPIED. (Hehe, not black and white photocopies!) And I think I'll use a new pencilcase! The underwear thing! Just like "Heeeey Claire, I have cool underwear!" (It rhymes. Claire rhymes with many, many things.)
And I LOVE CLAIRE! <333 I love Nezzy too! Sorry I'm always blahhing away and wasting time and not writing that and not thinking about it enough! YOU ARE CLEAR BRILLIANCE. It sounds like a Contact Lens brand. STRIKE LIPGLOSS!
And eventually I'll finally get it right. ((((:
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[08 Aug 2004|11:47pm] |
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crushed underneath the fears--
you know how i can ramble on and on about nothing in particular but when it comes to serious things it's just like how everyone else can say it - because serious things are so common? are they?
in any case - i know there's something missing and i don't know what it is - if i say maybe i do then i really do. but, i don't know.
yeah, actually i do know! it's because i don't like, have anyone to obsess over anymore. it's quite sad now. haha i think obsessions make you go high and they're essential in life because they help you lose your appetite for food. that's a good thing. grr.
i want my obsession back! no, i don't. when i had it i wanted it gone. you see i'm just too stupid for you.
...so love me if you dare.
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| don't touch your face - |
[04 Aug 2004|08:52pm] |
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hehe i like rachel she has good taste mhmm. and quite fun to talk to too! xD haha you know what you're just very fun to talk to and i don't find alot of people nice to talk to okay! anddd i hardly talk to people who mostly like the same songs i do so yay! see you in church then lend meeee yaaa.
we are what we pretend to be - yeah somehow that set me thinking - if i even think, that is.
and claire, i'm so sorry for dumping all my rubbish on you! but thanks for being so encouraging <333 it's very strange and stupid that i told you so much crap but thanks for listening you're a great listener and you're really nice too! (((: yep i'll photocopy the stuff tomorrow haha this is a reminder to myself actually. in any case really appreciate it wheeee.
crystal and see through and not enough to you.
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[02 Aug 2004|10:00pm] |
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happy birthday yen laoda! <333
time, don't leave yet. stay here a while so i won't be disappointed.
she drives away she's feeling worthless used again but nothing's different she'd stay the night but knows he doesn't care.
anyway i love claire! don't you just love claire too? i'd want to write something for her because - claire's just so nice i wonder why i never really noticed or took time - AHA i just remembered that we used to argue about crap and that crap was really like, stressful and stuff. okay, alright im gonna write something. in any case, claire remember i love you and don't be so stressed okay! (((:
yay we're gonna do our chiodano stuff! hehe <3 jan and double oh jo! (hehe)
suddenly i miss people like cassandra and vanessa and alysia and amanda and xiuru and melissa. i remember the fun stuff like the supporters and how i was so stupid because i liked variety so i didn't do it practically like, 999 and instead i liked numbers to be colorful and pretty! what a waste of time and energy thinking of new numbers. i'm a retard, i knowww. and i remember the whole cassandra's becoming influenced by sarah and becoming very talkative thing. and i remember going to cassandra's house and measuring my height! i think it was like, 141 or something then.
and there was the ridiculous poking of foreheads and now i think of it it was probably awfully rude to do that to a teacher but i guess that's just me - doing stupidly rude things and daring to not care.
i especially remember alysia also because of the messages i had on my book all held on by paper clips (((:
she memorized the floor so she could leave without being detected. she's beautiful, she's beautiful..
it's only when i don't talk to people so much i go, hey you've changed so much? i know it's probably not because i wasn't there but - yeah basically everyone's also like that, after a while the change seems bigger when it was really just gradual. unless they've changed right in front of you, that's also really scary. like BOOM hi, who the word after fuchsia are you?
you say don't be afraid, but i feel afraid. you say don't laugh or cry but i show emotion.
just don't be leaving me.
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[31 Jul 2004|10:15pm] |
disappoint me so i'll know i'm not the only one. hi, i'm a teeniegoth. i was going to write something but i've forgotten what i wanted to say because what i wanted to feel didn't want to say it.
this is pathetic i'll leave now.
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| to make you love me- |
[30 Jul 2004|10:18pm] |
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hmm i feel all sad now because i realize how much i haven't talked to sabrina and and that's like, all this time it's been different because i don't think i've seen her there or talked to her or anything so it's just - sad.
no, i'm not extraordinary. just extreme, too random, and boring.
i thought about it and maybe i wouldn't want anything this time - i don't even know if i'll be able to use what i'm given because i don't try half the time, now it's upsetting me because i regret all the rubbish i've done and what i haven't ever tried.
i'm not going to try and make everything sound flowery and pretty and cover it with dusky glitter because you'll choke from all the heavy scent and stench hehe.
my cup is half empty; i'm dripping with envy. too much of the same routine has held me down.
beloved scandal - i love darling nezzy! drunk confessions and i love you because we're so alike and so different because your taste sucks! xD maybe like they always say if you're really talented in something maybe everything else sucks - and maybe you're so alike that's why your taste sucks! hehe. and my taste sucks too, i know! the whole utilising your youth thing - it doesn't matter because i know you're so creative and gifted and God loves you above all. (((:
when i see you i admit i start to lose my grip and all of my cool! this makes me feel so annoyingly nostalgic as usual. it's like i spend half my life thinking about the other half of my life. like, whateverrrr!
brackets ripping ulcers! TEAAAR, BLEED.
hahaha daryl's my ex lover-! HI EX LOVER. (he's wrong - and full of crap too.)
hey, start it over.
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[29 Jul 2004|09:38pm] |
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do you think my papa has good taste? he buys nice ice cream! ((: and i don't like ingredients but he's getting it anyway. i decided that i should stay off caps, and so i'm typing like this!
i feel as if i've learnt new things today. i know what i should be doing and why i should be doing what i should be doing if it makes sense but then again - okay i won't go into it.
hehe i love obsessions <3 like like, you know who and you know who else and you know who else too! yay.
haagen-dazs vanilla swiss almond ice cream yay! stephanie fell asleep so fastt. ): i'm going to be really bloated and everything la sure put on ten kg or something! but its okay cos its gabriel's birthday (haha that rhymed). papa wants me to grow faattt la.
and i love evelyn! you squeaky little half time high half time low so not jlow eve! i wish it weren't so - i feel so sleepy i think i'd fall asleep here and now. i think i screwed too many things up already i'm not going to bother repairing anything for now but i'm going to look straight and not back. not back again.
hey so i'm happy, remember?
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| happy birthday gabriel! <3 |
[29 Jul 2004|07:43pm] |
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hehe it's my brother's birthday and i don't feel like eating at all. heck i don't even feel like typing in caps. in fact i'm being a sad person minus the fact that i saw someone on the bus today and you know who it is! yay.
i think josh should really stop flirting and i wish people wouldn't just feel obliged to do something for me if they didn't want to or if they knew other people didn't want to, cos you can just let me know when i ask because i can sort of tell.
a lot of things changed again but this time it's sort of different because it's just left me all disappointed and reminds me that i have to love people instead of all the crap i think of them and i think what was the difference between then and now was that then at least i was somewhat nice to people and okay but now i'm just plain blah, and horrid. i don't comment on what type of people there are anymore because there aren't any categories you can put anyone in really.
unless you're specifically describing someone, then whatever.
some secrets fly away--
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[28 Jul 2004|10:19pm] |
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Still can't get used to living far away from home! And I'm at home behind the wall, the same wall, just different direction. And I STINK.
You're not inside a world that's playing out just for you.
But you don't see me, you don't need me, you don't love me the way the way I wish you woulddddd HAHAHAHA OKAY I won't play this song anymore.
Anyway I'm really tired and uncomfortable but comfortable at the same time so whatever!
I don't like it when people think they know me so well and assume they know I'd like THIS, it's fine when you're a friend like Jo who I practically live with seeing as I see her nearly everyday and whatever.
I'm so predictable it hurts! Anyway I'd only want to do art homework for the sake of our wonderful lovely NICE COOL art teacher I LOVE and anyway our homework is funky but I'm not in the mood for doing homework though I really should be. Bleh.
I don't know if I can trust you enough to tell you all I wanted to say. Wanted, but not anymore. Yet I feel like saying something right NOW.
I didn't like the way my words tasted in my mouth.
All great men will fall. When it comes to something like this I have nothing to say and too much to say and
if I could say what I wanted to say
I'd say I wanna blow you
...away.
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[27 Jul 2004|09:55pm] |
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Kaijun is so retarded. It's like, you said 'ok' 'no i think i said uh ok. that's usually what i say. heh' 'no you said right ok' 'ok wo'eva' LIKE, WHATEVErrrr.
Eric is WORSE. I'm SO ANNOYED with that bunch of people who constantly bug me about why I ignore them, why I don't sms, why I... WHATEVER, OKAY?!
Today was SO FULL OF NONSENSE. For example, the whole Reynard thing was quite annoying and I honestly don't care if I'm being mean.
And my Merchant Twin, *hearts* you!
Maybe I should just do away with this useless thing because I don't think I say anything interesting here it isn't even a record of anything except as Jan says, I talk so much people usually won't bother to read hahahaha yes, I KNOW THAT TOO.
HE holds my heart, I WON'T EVER BE AFRAID. (:
I know what sort of person you are and I can't ever hold on to this because that'd mean too much for you and you'd explode because you'd had alot of it and that's not very nice so I'll let go because I don't think I want it so much that I'd die without it - well it's not like I'd get my way anyway. Whatever I actually want, that is.
TIARA--*
Evelyn, READ THIS! (DARYLDARYLDARYL!) Ahahahaha okay sorry I just think it's very amusing mhmm. ANYWAY I'm going to write whole novels and haikus about DARYL. (No, not really)
Harrass your bottles! xD
I hung the stars, and I hold your heart, so don't ever be afraid.
I can't choose at all. You want
nothing
when you're trying to forget the something that was
everything.
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[24 Jul 2004|08:29pm] |
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EVELYN IS TOTALLY LOONY. Well, no, she's not. Cos it DOES seem like it. I think in the process of disappointing other people I've disappointed myself.
And so I'm going to start again and leave all my nonsense behind and I'm going to USE whatever I have now because I can't take it all for granted and I can't keep leaving all my tiny potential so that other people won't know what I can do - because even I won't know what I can do if I never ever want to try it or keep at it. SO. I LOVE YOU JAN! (HAHA that was SO RELEVANT but I felt like it)
I REALLYREALLYREALLY love Jo though she's just asking for people to shut her up!
Now to shut her up, everyone just tell her she looks taller though you KNOW it's not true HAHAHA.
Like the DOUBLE OH JO.
Explanation Left Out.
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| phobic; don't be. |
[19 Jul 2004|09:39pm] |
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-- whatever you love i love! <33333333vtwin!
AHAHAHAHA Daryl rocks. (((: (HEHEHE and you have BAD MEMORY!)
I wouldn't fail you either! I'd give you 100 LAaaaaa duhhhhh.
Hmm I don't expect any of them to - but I know you will. I know you're worried that people would think of me that way too much because you know it's not good for me at all. I know.
I CAN OUTSMILEY YOU!
In God, I trust - I will not be afraid.
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing.
I LOVE YOU NEZZY *hugggg* (hehe simply, a time to HUG!) - You understand more than alot and that's saying a lot in itself - because I know nobody understands everything except He who is PERFECT in understanding, and you CARE SO MUCH I'm REALLY grateful for all the things you write to cheer me up and all the hugs and all the talks and the songs and basically EVERYTHING, I think you're a wonderful friend so continue living and SHINING LIKE A NEZZY STAR for Jesus! <333
AHAHAHA and THANK YOU KIKIIIII!
SLAP ME. xD
...and I'm only stargazing in bottles.
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[16 Jul 2004|09:19pm] |
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The University of Blogging
Presents to
sparkledfire
An Honorary
Bachelor of
Cutting
Majoring in
Self Portraiture
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Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com
HAHAAHAHA THAT'S SO SPAZZO but SO AM I. Hmmm.
Oh, OMG. IT REALLY SOUNDS TRUE except for the nezzy part of course and derrick isn't so antisocial anymore, ARE YOU?
All the rest I'm not bothering to copy and paste except NATIONAL IDIOT DAY ahahaha joleen! okay, kidding. Now nobody's going to bother reading this so I'M GOING GOING GOING BYE DARLIN'.
(And DARYL, what's with waterbottlessss. ._.)
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[14 Jul 2004|08:53pm] |
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Ahahaha Jan is my MERCHANT TWIN (TM!), and according to Gwen, we walk alike TOO! SO YAY THE COOLIES WANT OPIUM! (WHEEEE). Oh we were so bored that we were PLAYING NEOPETS *gasp* and the girl beside us was so easy to read! I could tell her birthdate, and what she liked without actually having spoken to her before or ANYTHING. So much a username thing can tell you. Hahaha alright I'm being spazzzzzzzzz as usual.
Whee I feel so missed-! Yay! Hmmm. I miss Tammyyyy! I love all the cute little couples with half of them my friends - or maybe more than half. Yeah! So adorableee!
I just did the stupidest thing. I left the phone vibrating by the side of my ear without actually picking it up. HEHE HI DAJIE!
AND DARYL, I DO NOT LOOK UPSET!
YAY I'M TINGLING COS I LOVE MATCHMAKING-!!
(DARYLDARYLDARYL! Daryl's such a nice name xD)
Warning: Don't knock your head against the wall - you might get some stupid crack down your forehead LIKE MINE, I'm sure you don't want that. No wonder I'm incredibly stupid ._.
I'M SUCH A SLACKER. SHOOT ME, SOMEBODY.
&its so awfully cold;
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[11 Jul 2004|11:17pm] |
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Look at what you've found, I'M FALLING DOWWWWWWNnnnn. OH EVERYTHING LOOKS SO BIG. THIS HAS NO SOUND. NO SOUND. NO SOUND. I COULD DIE OF NO SOUND. I PRACTICALLY _LIVE_ ON NOISE! UGH! I like hair wraps. They make me happy. (:
Oh, ANYWAY! I love JANJAAAAAAN!!!!!1 And NEZZY! Any 213ers reading this: NEZZY ROCKS. AHAHAHAHA. So we must all be nice and cooperative and ACTIVE in class even though we all know I hardly am but I'll try.
I STILL don't like you much even though I SHOULD throw horrible feelings away because it's been a LONG LONG LONG time and YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW ME! NEITHER DO I! So I shouldn't think about it. Yeah, I won't. Just that I read SOMEONEEEee'S LJ and just happened to SEE YOU AGAIN. (ALRIGHT, SORRY. THAT'S OBVIOUS NOW)
GRRRRRPS.! EVER SINCE JAN DID THE GRRWAT THING I'VE BEEN GRRRR ING ALOT - has that given me something to GRRRR about?!
AND! <3333333VTWIN! Daryl's like, better LA. ^^''
Hmm. I just realized why you asked.
Alright anyway I'M GOING NOW BYE. <333333333you!
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